I'm afraid

I'm afraid,
I'm afraid that I wouldn't make a difference,
That the life I lived is as a passing wind,
And a fading note.

I'm afraid that I won't be able to help others,
That I wasn't able to help even myself.
I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to eat great meals,
Banquets, Picnics, Eat-outs.

That I wouldn't be able to share my blessings to others,
that I'd be too selfish to spend even for myself.

I'm afraid to loose,
Loose everything I worked for,
Loose everything I care and loved.

I"m afraid I won't be able to go to other places,
Learn languages as old as time,
walk on trodden paths where heroes and villains ceated the best stories I may not be able to read.

I'm afraid of age,
I'm afraid of wrinkles and blurry eyes,
til I have to even beg for mercy that somebody look for my spectacles.

I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to see childrens faces,
Women crying for lost loves,
Men mourning over their maleness.

I'm afraid, and so much afraid that I may not regret feeling courageous with fear.

I'm afraid that I may not be able to swim in the sea,
That basin of the earth where all life is forever a mystery.

I'm afraid I may not be able to see another caterpillar become a butterfly,
Or to be able to taste my favorite honey with bread.

I'm afraid I may not be able to write a poem,
Or read a good book with sketches that makes this universe more bearable.

I'm afraid and so so afraid.