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lunar phases
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  • Dream on!

    On my ride back home I overheard thre students talking in Bisaya. It was like heaven in my ears... To hear the familiar Bisaya twang that I so dearly love.

    I just missed Cebu and the laid back life back there...

    Anyway they were talking about their grades in school one guy talking about having been exempted in his chemistry class.

    "I've just been exempted from my chemistry exam... (laughs) after this I'm going to study outside of the country and work a job in a big company and be a CEO someday."

    Upon hearing that I heaved out a sigh and remember the letter my best friend wrote me a few months back.

    The letter goes...

    "The age of 25 used to be such a benchmark. Back in college, goals were set along the lines of "by the time I'm 25". It used to feel like a lifetime away, and it sounded like such a grown-up age to be when we listened to our parents. When we finally reached 25 it felt like a tiny spark of accomplishment, although for no clear reason why. It just felt good, to be at that age where quarter-life crises supposedly struck.

    But then 26 comes along, and you wonder where in the world 25 went. You remember the mathematical rule: That you're supposed to round up and not down, which means you are nearer to 30 than you are to 20. You ask why things don't look the way you planned them years ago, when you had a list of accomplishments filled out and you were just going to check them according to plan by the time you reached 25. But you already passed that age.

    Then the daunting really hits you, that if you're not where you planned to be by the time you were 25, does that mean everything else is not going to follow? Does that mean all the other "by the time I'm of this age" plans you made are going to end up the same way? Like a commuter train that arrived late in one station, does that mean all other stations are going to have to suffer the accumulated tardiness of the initial stop?

    It sounds like a crisis, indeed. One that spurns ulcers you thought you could already control. Disappointment brings about a quiet desperation of having it occur repeatedly, and nothing brings more disappointment than thinking that where you are now could be as good as it gets.

    You want to reach out to others and ask them "are you feeling it too?" The slow burn of a worry that your plans are not materializing the way you had initially hoped they would. You want the reassurance that you are not alone in your uncertainty, but at the same time, you are troubled by the possibility that maybe we are all facing the same downhill slope.

    Could this mean we are all setting ourselves up for a lifetime of disappointment? Probably not, except maybe for those who got so scared when they saw the slope heading down that they opted for a free fall with open arms. There is always the inertia from going down to bring us to higher ground, and the opportunity to learn how to repeat the process when we go downhill again. The trick is to realize, before gravity takes too strong a hold, that there is a momentum we can use to our advantage.

    Maybe we are uncertain now, even a little confused as to why things look so different from our initial plan. But time has a funny way to straightening us out, and it helps to realize that hardly anyone gets to this point without experiencing any doubts. Let's face it: life is a little more fun when there's a benchmark to look forward to, even if our plans are tinged with unexplainable optimism, unjustifiable possibilities, and unheard of ideals. Something that sounds a bit like, say, 30."

    I love the letter and upon first reading it I promised myself that I'm going to place it here.

    Whats' funny is I've forgotten to place any benchmark to myself back in college (don't ask why). The thing with benchmark is it is too subjective to begin with, there are factors such as "people" who may make or break you and may also play a big role in your life. It's not just you against yourself rather its you against other people.

    The truth is you have to please other people and it even begins at home.

    I realized a certain truth back then. "You can't expect too much of yourself, but it doesn't mean you cannot try... You never really know what can happen next."

    Perhaps that is where HOPE comes in.

    That after all the sadness, disappointment, frustration, depression there is still HOPE.

    And no time nor age could stop that.