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lunar phases
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  • On being alone

    "Bro I had a fiance once and we've been together for five years imagine that.

    We we're supposed to get married and we we're already in the photoshoot for our wedding when she shouted at me because she got jealous of my bestfriend.

    That's when I ended it.

    All that five years ended in that couple of minutes."

    Upon hearing that I don't know what to say.

    Is it that easy to let go of a year? a month? a day? for some reason as simple as shouting in a photoshoot?

    Perhaps it is.

    And the more I think about it the more irrelevant relationships become.

    "When I decided to marry her, I knew that I have to take her for what she is either way someone has to give."

    Yah I think you're right. Maybe. Perhaps.

    Its a fact that I enjoy my past relationships in fact they've become a permanent fixture in my dreams.

    Sometimes I'm reliving it in my dreams as if its true.

    "I think it just piled up and the more it piled up over the years it broke off that bond between us. Its five years and we've been together ever since but now I hate him as hell."

    I ask myself will I also feel that? What If i don't get into any relationships for awhile. Lets' just say I've decided to keep it low for a year and perhaps expand it to another year and perhaps I wouldn't get into any relationships anymore. What would happen?

    "I've been a fool for a year bro. I kept loving her even when she doesn't love me back... But seriously I still love her I really do."

    It doesn't make sense really.

    But I like his conviction. Nonetheless I wouldn't dare go back to that place of utter desperation. Of trying to prove oneself for something that in one way or another fail.

    You look around and see different faces. You wonder what they're thinking. if they have the same story as yours or if it's more happier? no. lonelier.

    Suppose you have their eyes and ears and you live their lives for a day would you want this life your living?

    Would you settle for something you've never trodden on to the ones' your familiar of?

    "He has a wife. But we love each other. he loved me as if its forever, as if his wife doesn't exists. In fact he married her because he felt obliged to. But now I'm married. I'm happy. I pray that he's happy."

    Tell me a story as sad as this and I'd write a thousand poems for their children.

    If there's one thing I learned about loving.

    It is that it goes away just as fast as it comes.

    If it stays, then count the days and the weeks and the hours and enjoy it.

    Either way time and loving are altogether indifferent with each one. And oftentimes they become the reason for each others demise.

    And no amount of beer nor whiskey could wake one up from its stupor.